Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconthedizzydan: More from TheDizzyDan


Featured in Collections

Written Work by catiescarlett

Fabulous Literature by sessisie

Remarkable Reads by Nichrysalis


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
June 12, 2013
File Size
10.8 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,815 (1 today)
Favourites
64 (who?)
Comments
45

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
       People have their reasons for not wanting to engage in given activities.  Disregarding any moral questions about the activity, I disdain being a hunter for other reasons.  Such reasons include:  the contemptible hours that are spent scouting out a viable position, the spending of time and funds in preparation, the tediousness of waiting for the game, and my personal bane of waking up very early in the morning.  There is one experience that smote any potential for a desire to hunt for me.
       The incident began during my fifth grade year, when winter’s chill struck early in my area.  We suffered a turbulent ice storm for the entire day only a couple days after my birthday in November.  My grandfather was absent that morning, for he was out hunting on Ecallaf Mountain at the Terncur Dam on rather dim prospects for a bear in bear season.  I trekked to my bus stop, blinking snow out of my eyes as I tried to watch my breath freeze in the remarkably frigid air.  It was a typical school day with the exception of the incessant discussions of the portentous weather forecast.  Much worse weather was to be expected in the evening. The unexceptional day at school was further substantiated by the fact that I had an essay assigned for the night’s homework.
       Coming home from school afterward was a somewhat cumbersome venture due to the steep hills, slickened by snow, deep, damp, and heavy, which I needed to scale in order to reach the house.  That was not the most treacherous part of the day for me.  Home greeted me with relaxingly dry, radiant heat.  My grandmother and mother watched the news while I secluded myself to my room.  There, I fought for my consciousness while I pressed myself to get my writing finished.  Unfortunately, my exhausting efforts did not finish my assignment before dinner.  My grandfather, safe and sound, returned home in the midst of our meal.  His excitement was infectious, even as he entered the room.  
His words, “I got a bear!”
       My grandfather drove a truck and would have kept the bear in the back while he was driving home.  We inquired about whether or not he had yet to bring it into the garage, where our second vehicle, a car was currently stationed.  He shook his head and restated that he had shot and killed the bear, but he had yet to bring it to the truck.  He was encouraged to sit down to eat and discuss his adventure.  
       He had waited for a few hours in his position on the summit, until dawn had broken a bit, before he sighted and engaged his bear at a distance.  The bear had next fallen and rolled down the mountain for an estimated fifty feet or so, a testament to its own bulk.  Grandfather had spent the rest of day and most reserves of energy carefully dragging his burden down the steep slopes toward his boat.  He had practically exhausted himself about two hundred and fifty yards from his boat.  He had proceeded to return home as soon as possible.
       Grandfather brought forward his anticipation of the loss of his only bear to the cold and scavenging coyotes.  He proposed with utmost sincerity that he needed to take his son, my uncle Orbdamu, and me back with him to the area to finish dragging the bear and to bring it home.  This was met by considerable objection from my grandmother, who argued that all the weather reports were advising against making unnecessary trips in the evening, particularly in the later evening, and from me, who argued that I could not offer enough assistance to be worth bringing along and that I had homework to complete still.  Given these points, he adamantly called Orbdamu immediately after dinner was finished.
       Frantic, I immediately returned to my work.  From what I overheard as I got dangerously closer to finishing my essay, the meteorologists were done with euphemizing the storm, finding words, such as “Armageddon,” appropriately descriptive modifiers.  Whether Orbdamu could provide reinforcement or not was nebulous, since he had been dealt a rather rough day himself, and he also had two offspring, Elizabeth and Franklin, to put to bed before he could consider going.  The formidable forecast and unsure uncle provided me hope, so I willingly finished my essay.
       In order to relax my mind in preparation for my bedtime, I immersed myself in the broadcasts my grandmother continued watching.  My completion of my assignment afforded my grandfather new hope because he still had faith in my ability to lend my immature muscles to his cause.  The phone’s ringing was uproariously cacophonous in the relatively tranquil living space where we gawked through the television at the extreme reports of snow in other parts of the country.  It was nine o’clock, my bedtime.  My grandfather’s face was aglow as he spoke with Orbdamu.  Orbdamu was eager to assist my grandfather.  Despite my canny grandmother’s desperate attempts to defend me, my grandfather innocently thought it was best to drag me along with him and Orbdamu.
       I was hastily pushed to don my winter clothes again and to board the truck.  I was chilled during the ride, despite the running heater.  I dozed, for we arrived at Orbdamu’s distant house in an instant.  Orbdamu wore a rather thin jacket.  He seemed extremely sanguine despite the situation, and I pondered whether or not he knew the true nature of the issue.  For Orbdamu my grandfather adjusted the heat settings to a degree of an unprecedented height.  Although I had confidence in my grandfather’s driving precautions, I had too much trepidation to fall asleep once more, for thoughts of the treacherously inclement weather conditions and the boat and trailer we were towing persisted to feed my fright.
       We eventually arrived at the dock.  The icy air outside was a shocking contrast to the tepid air within the vehicle, but I nonetheless needed to come alongside my uncle and my grandfather.  On the lake, the night was sheer obsidian.  We had a single post with a light, two headband lights, and an especially luminescent flashlight.  Orbdamu operated the engine while my grandfather used his GPS to guide us to the landing location.  I marveled at the uncommon prodigiousness of the snowflakes, illuminated by our lights.  As we journeyed, we suddenly arrived at the idea that we might need to leave someone at the landing location, once the bear was in the boat, so the boat would not lose buoyancy.
       We did not reach a conclusion on this matter by the time we reached the landing spot.  We secured the boat and hiked from there to the bear’s location.  Reevaluating my developed hiking abilities, I languidly scaled the slick slope with the other two.  Carrying the bear downward was not the main challenge, because we were taking a descending path, but heaving it over fallen trees and boulders in the way was an arduous gauntlet.  The value of the aid I provided was an enigma to me.  I certainly did my best to carry as much weight as I could, but the majority of the weight was capably handled my grandfather and uncle.  Our slow, grueling hobble would have appeared either tantalizing or comical to the fictitious coyotes I imagined at the time were nearby.  This fantasy made me work assiduously, but it did not seem to expedite our progress.
       The progress my grandfather had made allowed us to reach the boat in considerably less time than it seemed to me: about twenty-five minutes.  At the boat we decided that the two hundred-pound bear would not be enough to decisively encumber the boat with all of us included as passengers.  The single trip back was more horrific.  We still had to navigate by the GPS, which I feared might stop working, for the wet snow fell more densely this time around.  The boat lulled in pace and floated lowly in the water.  With the wind pulling up its own wakes, a considerable amount of water would enter the boat as the waves smacked against the boat’s side.  I considered mentioning this, but I figured that my fellow passengers were just as aware.  I felt drenched and chilled despite the copious layers I wore, and my understanding of hypothermia made me phobic of my insuppressible shaking.  I put my faith into the fact that this was not going to end like some grim movie where, just as salvation was nearly tangible, there would be a horrible twist.
       Just like a movie, however, full hope was restored by lights; in this case these lights were the orange streetlights of the parking lot by the dock.  As we neared the dock, I chuckled at the fact that our truck was the only occupying vehicle.  No one could have been as foolhardy as we were.  I spent the last of my energy helping put the bear into the truck.
       Despite the extra time the snow plows had to clear the roads, driving back home was treacherous because we were mainly driving on roads no one apparently thought were in use at the time.  The plows were not responsible for our situation; we were responsible.  We, thankfully, experienced no deleterious surprises.  However prudently and efficaciously this was conducted, something tragic could have occurred.
       My grandfather and Orbdamu discussed what should be done with the meat once my grandfather had the bear weighed the next day at the rangers’ station.  It was decided that the bear would be made into sausages.  At this I was revolted and betrayed.  I despised sausage.  Orbdamu received our gratitude for his assistance and was dropped off at his house.  Apparently still jarred from the experience, he walked vacillatingly.  My grandfather and I were too exhausted to handle the bear or the boat, so we simply headed inside the house.  All the wet clothing was placed near the heat registers or hung any place where it would not matter whether the articles around it or the floor below it got wet.  Too eager to sleep, I neglected to brush my teeth.  I went to bed past midnight.  I fell asleep assuring myself I would never put myself or anyone else in such a situation by avoiding the obsession of hunting.
This is an ameliorated version of a diagnostic writing I composed at the beginning of the previous school year. I intend to post more of my writings from this school year in the future, but please do not hesitate to give me feedback.
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-06-13
The Bear Fact by ~TheDizzyDan provides an interesting and insightful narrative regarding an unusual hunting experience that doubles in promoting a message about the precarious situations hunters can put themselves and others into even after the hunt. ( Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013   Writer
:+fav: Now featured here [link]
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for the feature! It is an honor.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013   Writer
You're very welcome.
Reply
:icondavina-wolfe:
Davina-Wolfe Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Student General Artist
I would say your usage of words is perfect. The entire tale unfolded quite understandably. The numerous complaints of too many large words is personally baffling... I think large words have a much more distinct flavour and depth than weak and watery small ones.
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for your feedback! I must say that these words are not leaving my writing soon because I have ingrained them into my style. Indeed, my philosophy on the matter was the same as yours.
Reply
:icondavina-wolfe:
Davina-Wolfe Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Student General Artist
Ah, that is good. I worried that with the overwhelming amount of complaints about it, that you would grow despondent and alter your writing style. Press on with it then, and let your words speak for themselves.
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! It is an honor I am ecstatic over.
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oohh I'm so happy for you dear!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconsweethugplz::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very kindly! This has been an invaluable and encouraging experience to say the least.
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ohh I'm sure it has, my dear Daniel, and you deserve it!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::aww::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
:iconairknightmystery:
AirknightMystery Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Student General Artist
Dan, you never cease to amaze me. I swear! :iconlazycryplz:
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! I intend to upload more of my writings from this year, so please be on the lookout!
Reply
:iconmorphoadonis:
MorphoAdonis Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
My friend, you have a bad case of thesaurus insanity here; You went WAY over the top with using what I'm sure you assumed was "top-class vocabulary" but it came off stiff and pretentious. Did you misuse words? No. Did you use words that were waaay too formal for a personal account of what is presumably a young person? Ding ding ding, yes sir.

It's extremely unnecessary to use so many formal, out-of-place words, especially in such rapid concession. As Stephen King once said, "Never use a long word where a short one will do."

" One of the really bad things you can do to your writing is to dress up the vocabulary, looking for long words because maybe you’re a little ashamed of your short ones. This is like dressing up a household pet in evening clothes. The pet is embarrassed and the person who committed this act of premeditated cuteness should be even more embarrassed. Make yourself a solemn promise right now that you’ll never use “emolument” when you mean “tip”…

Remember that the basic rule of vocabulary is use the first word that comes to your mind, if it is appropriate and colourful. If you hesitate and cogitate, you will come up with another word – of course you will, there’s always another word – but it probably won’t be as good as your first one, or as close to what you really mean.

Write simply, let the words flow, don’t be stiff and laboured. That’s what King is saying. And he is right. You don’t want to pause and look up a word or read a sentence twice to get its meaning."
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I was merely doing what my teacher required me to do for the class. I appreciate your feedback and do understand that I can and do at times sound bombastic in my writing. Thank you very much for your scrutiny, for I am sure you put some time into it.
Reply
:iconstixanstoneslove:
stixanstoneslove Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013
This. Definitely this. I noticed quickly that there was a lot of thesaurus abuse going on. There is nothing wrong with showing off one's vocabulary, but doing so is better in moderation, and in a piece like this it feels inappropriate. A story recalled from the point of view of a fifth grade student shouldn't be crammed with words that fifth graders would need to look up in a dictionary. That's not to say the writing style should be or needs to be simplistic, but there is more to writing well than using "big words." Not only did it make the entire thing feel awkward and stilted, but it was distracting. Instead of focusing on what was happening in the story, I found myself pausing every time an unnecessary word substitution was made and wondering what in the world prompted that choice when a simpler word would have sufficed.
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It makes sense that the perspective is thrown wayside a bit. The year during which I wrote this, I received extensive instruction on vocabulary building and word power, and I had to demonstrate thorough understanding of the terms which I received. I appreciate you letting me know that the meaning can be lost in dense jungle of words and that this example of my own demonstrates that.
Reply
:iconarikari12:
Arikari12 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Student Writer
Nice story! So, what grade were you in when you wrote this?
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! Just starting out in tenth grade when I wrote this. Once I finished that year, I made improvements to the original piece without changing the story. Mostly the changes addressed word choice and comma splicing.
Reply
:iconredyoshi77:
redyoshi77 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a very nice read! I love all the sophisticated vocabulary! :D
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*Prodigious* thanks! I appreciate the feedback.
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Student General Artist
Well, whoa. Such BIG WORDS! :D Obviously for school... :D

But I like the premise.
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the compliments. Indeed, it was for school. I love putting big words to use, so I appreciate that.
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Student General Artist
True. You're very welcome.
Reply
:iconsimplysilent:
SimplySilent Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013
:heart: Congrats on the DD! :clap:
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconay4u:
ay4u Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Student Filmographer
This was a great read! Keep up the awesome work! I love your use of language, the story was very vivid.
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very kindly for the compliments. I assure you that I have more to present in due time.
Reply
:iconeuxiom:
Euxiom Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013
Quite a fun story! :)
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad you enjoyed it. The experience itself was not so fun for me, but I enjoyed writing it.
Reply
:iconeuxiom:
Euxiom Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013
Ah, I imagine. You definitely instilled a sense of irritation(not quite sure if thats the right word, but close enough I suppose) throughout the piece. At least you were able to have some fun writing about it later!
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Irritation, disdain, contempt; all perfectly suitable monikers for what I felt. I'm actually neutral on the subject of hunting now, but in the writing I speak from a different paradigm.
Reply
:iconcrunchy-toast:
crunchy-toast Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You have a brilliant way of writing :)
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the compliment on my style. I love your username.
Reply
:iconcrunchy-toast:
crunchy-toast Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
you're welcome and thank you in return!
by the way, is this based on something that really happened? your style makes me think it is a true/personal story
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Indeed, this is a true account of what happened to me. Of course, the names are changed to protect my privacy, but it is very close as far as my relatives and I can recall.
Reply
:iconcrunchy-toast:
crunchy-toast Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Amazing. Truth is stranger than fiction, as always :D
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
    Congrats on the DD! :dalove:
    Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you, and likewise merry tidings!
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
    My pleasure, thank you :happybounce:
Reply
:iconxmjjmoonwalker:
xMJJMoonwalker Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a really interesting story. All of the little details made me just want to keep reading. I myself prefer not to hunt, so at first I wasn't very interested in this anecdote, but as I read on, it grew more and more interesting. I kept expecting there to be some sort of plot twist, and even though there wasn't, I still really like this. Congratulations on the well-deserved Daily Deviation feature and keep up the fantastic writing!
:iconmjpeaceplz:
Reply
:iconthedizzydan:
TheDizzyDan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so very kindly for the insight! I will definitely upload the best of my work so far in due time.
Reply
:iconxmjjmoonwalker:
xMJJMoonwalker Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You are very welcome! ^w^
Reply
Add a Comment: